Caring for an Elderly Mother

I had the privilege of interviewing a peer concerning the care of his elderly mother. Her name is Olga S. and she is 81 years of age. Olga was the eldest of five children and she was born and reared in a rural community in Mexico. Olga was raised in extreme poverty and dropped out of school by the 5^th grade. She relocated to Galveston, Texas when she married her husband. Olga and her spouse had six children. In the last 2 years she was diagnosed with two chronic illnesses and could no longer reside in her marital home alone.

For this interview, Olga’s son George was my candidate that graciously accommodated my request to gain insight about what it takes to parent the parent. The interview begins.

F.T.: Hello, George S. has joined me to discuss the stress of taking care of an elderly parent and the challenges that familial caregivers face on a daily basis. Thanks for doing this interview.

G.S.: Hello Felicia. You’re welcome!

F.T.: Tell me how caring for your mother became the responsibility of the family?

George S.: My father died recently and my mother needed minimum assistance with bathing and taking her medication. I and my siblings had full time employment and could not immediately assume the responsibility for caring for my mother. We all met one weekend and decided to let my mother remain in her home. We decided at that time that one of us would go by the house in the morning and prepare breakfast, at lunch and then dinner. This worked for a while but was short lived. I arrived at my parent’s home at lunch one day and my mother was passed out on the kitchen floor. She had not eaten the food prepared for dinner and by morning her blood sugar had dropped too low.

I arrived at the house just in time because she had a pot on the stove that introduced a dangerous situation. After a stay in the hospital my mother was discharged. The decision was made to move my mother out of her home into a rehabilitation facility. She was in the facility for about 6 months.

F.T.: During your mother’s stay in the rehabilitation facility was she cared for with dignity and respect?

G.S.: No! I and my siblings would follow the same schedule we had established when she was living at her home. I would see bruises on her arms and back of her neck. She would tell us she did not have anything to eat. When the personnel were asked about the accusations, they would infer my mother was experiencing dementia or something. They offered explanations for the bruises on her arms and neck as occurring when she was given a bath she almost slipped and she was grabbed to prevent a fall. We were not satisfied with the responses. However, none of us were prepared to take care of my mother at this time.

F.T.: Would it be safe to say that your mother suffered physical abuse while housed in the rehabilitation facility?

G.S.: Yes. As a matter of fact, after initial signs of abuse, it was determined that many of the other elderly patients in the rehabilitation facility were also suffering abuse at the hands of the facility staff. But in my mother’s case, she told me she was strapped into her shower chair for long periods of time or they would not bring her food. She also stated she was threatened not to tell us. When my mother finally told us what was happening, we immediately had her discharged from the rehabilitation facility to her physician’s office and then to my sister’s home. We have concluded litigation with the facility.

F.T.: How does your sister handle being designated as the primary caregiver of your mother?

G.S.: She does really well. She does not endure a lot of stress because all of us work together to care for my mother. My mother just sleeps in my sister’s house. We all make sure we provide relief often and still maintains a schedule to provide care for my mother.

F.T.: Has your family had to seek outside intervention such as a counselor or therapist?

G.S.: Yes. My mother has a Social Worker and a Psychologist assigned to her case to make sure there is not significant deterioration of mental status. We also realized she needs the help coping with the life change and health challenges she is experiencing. The therapist and the social worker have gone above and beyond by reaching out to all of the children and clearly explaining the actions needed to have the best outcomes.

F.T.: If you could speak to other familial caregivers what advice would you give?

G.S.:

v     Realize you cannot do it alone. Rally as much help as you can.

v     Develop a rapport with your parent’s medical team to ensure there is minimum interruption in the total care of your elder parent.

v     Be very, very, very patient with your parent.

v     Become informed of all available resources for the elderly and finally,

v     Be alert to signs of mistreatment if your parent has to be in a short term or long term facility. These are the final days of your parent’s life and you want to make them as pleasant as possible.

F.T.: George, I really want to say thank you again for taking time to speak with me concerning the care of your mother. This concludes the interview with George S.

Like many families, caring for an elderly parent can be difficult and has challenges that are not anticipated. But as you can see this family is managing to care for their elderly parent successfully. They are seemingly a cohesive and loving family who has made meeting their mother’s needs the primary focus. He did share off the record, it is difficult reversing roles. He and his siblings are now parents and his mother is the child. The mental strain can be overwhelming. George and his family recognize they cannot care for their mother adequately without inside intervention. He states they will continue to press forward for as long as is needed.

“Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”

                                                                                              Martin Luther King, Jr.

By Felicia Thomas